This is why I have to write the stuff down while I'm still angry.
Let's start. Opening. Allusion to Bush's Patriot Act. "There will temporarily be a loss of rights, such as right to a lawyer." Welcome to heavy-handed. Anyone caught cavorting with a pirate, talking to a pirate, talking LIKE a pirate, or otherwise wearing an eye-patch with a wooden leg for Halloween will be murdered with a cold blood thirst people are being murdered like in the streets of Baghdad. Pirate is metaphor for terrorist, and the British Gub'ment is a metaphor for G-Dub. Gay? Check.
"They're singing... Good."
Blah blah, I'm Chow Yun Fat, and these writers and directors want me to over-act. Sweet. And where's my fucking steam? Better question: who cares? The chick was shot in the head. It was as if she was going to get some sort of vengeance, instead you got fake hate. So angry!
Barbosa was foilrific in these scenes. Comedy AND explanation.
Let's see if we can confuse the hell out of all the players here. I plan to write this as disjointedly as the movie through around plot twists, betrayals, agonizingly trying to be clever and confusing all at the same time, without a whole lot of success in doing any of the aforementioned in a reasonable execution.
The title was "At World's End", when, in all actuality, only the first of three acts spent any time there, and that was negliable. I kept hearing Ed Norton from Fight Club when I was watching Jack's nose. "I am Jack's Smelling Nose." That scene insensed me. Gore, Bruckheimer, and God knows who else said "Hey, what can we do to oversaturate the crowd with as much Jack Sparrow as possible? Hey, let's have 2 MILLION Jacks, like they did with that Agent Smith guy, and make them do all kinds of crazy shit in a hallucination? Call those guys that did those Matrix movies and see if we can borrow that old software!"
Barbosa made no sense going all maniacal as they were about to fall of the edge. And what did the crew expect? They were just going to float up to Davy Jones' Locker (which, in lore, is not some sandy joint, but THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN) and the natives would run out to greet them? "You've doomed us all!" a shipmate screams out at Barbosa, to which I couldn't help think, "And you expected any less at the 'World's End?'" I thought. And like THAT boat was sea-worthy. I wouldn't put that out on our lake in a high wind, let alone, THE SEA.
WHY did Swan's dad die? Because they didn't want to keep up with him through the plot, so they threw him over. And then "She canno leave da boot," and yet Jack can flip the boat, guys can fall off, and that's OK.
WHY was Davy Jones' heart blowing up such a big deal. If the heart died, Davy Jones...what? Died? Wait, that's not right, because you have to stab the heart to kill him. Oh, wait, but The Flying Dutchman MUST have a Captain. So... If Davy Jones died by a canon shot at the chest... Then who captains The Dutchman? Plot hole as big as the hole in Davy's chest where his heart used to be.
I grow weary just thinking about this, and I'm not even halfway done.
If Davy Jones can move through time, space, and water like he did to visit Calypso, couldn’t he set up a plot to steal his chest back? Waiiiiit, that wouldn't make sense.
Orlando Bloom, please stop talking. And "Well, I guess it always belonged to you. Keep it safe?" The melodrama had me rolling my eyes. By that point, the movie had lost me, so maybe the line was delivered with some acting talent, but I was too see-sick to notice. Yes, I spelled it that way intentionally.
Why didn't Calypso destroy the Black Pearl, The Flying Dutchman, all the Pirate Lords (Who were RIDICULOUS), and the whole British armada? "They shall feel my fury" was melodrama when Calypso, you know, tried to sink, you know TWO ships in the whole sea of hundreds.
When the Black Pearl and The Flying Dutchman destroy the Flagship of the British Navy, and the rest scatter, I rolled my eyes and wanted the pain to end. It wouldn't for another 25 minutes.
Thank God this series is over. From Disneyland ride to pop culture in 5 years, one can only hope they don't go all George Lucas on us and decide to make the first three prequels. Jack Sparrow as a little boy, rescued from Rum Island, growing into his pirate abilities, influenced by an older, more clever deckhand named Barbosa. Come to think of it, THAT might have more potential.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Friday, May 04, 2007
Spiderman 3 Review
What a steaming pile of crap that movie was. It was heavy-handed, emotionally devoid, melodramatic, jingoistic in moments, and Emo Peter Parker really just sent it over the top in utter ridiculousness. There were several points in the movie where everyone was laughing or groaning, or even rolling their eyes and saying "whaaat?", when it was meant to be a serious, emotional moment.
I personally was lost about 35 minutes before the end, and wanted it desperately to be over. I stormed out the back pissed and yelling. People were getting mad at me as I swore at the movie. I didn't care. Some girl was like "well, I liked it," and all I could snap back was "You would." I was just so mad I gave up good money, time, and sleep to watch what I could have ripped from Netflix
I almost think Sam Raimi MEANT to make this drivel. My guess is he wanted out of the Spiderman contract so he could have his schedule open for The Hobbit if New Line can't figure out what they're doing with Peter Jackson. My gut makes me hope that that was the case, and not the latter, that Sam Raimi ACTUALLY BELIEVED this was a good movie.
The good parts of this movie were, suprisingly, James Franco (Harry/The Hobgoblin), and Topher Grace (Eddie Brock/Venom). I've frowned on James Franco as a pretty-boy wanna-be actor, especially considering his previous jobs between Spiderman movies. Here, finally, he really comes into his own. His character really makes the movie, really brings to life the torn psyche of Harry's good and bad side, and how he chooses to balance it. Not to mention the RIDICULOUSLY cool action sequence between him and Parker in the movie's first act.
Topher Grace knocks this character out of the park. The smarmy, ambitious Eddie Brock was nailed on the head with Topher. His alter ego in the form of Venom needed MUCH more scren time. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping that someone with some pull at Sony Pictures recognizes that Eric from That 70's Show could have his own film franchise using Venom's character. I have no misconception that they will miss this little jewel they found in their hand and throw it away with the detritus left over when the Spiderman 3 series enthusiasm cools, and people start debating which three-quel was worse, X-Men, Spiderman, or Godfather?
I don't think Transformers will be blockbuster hit my inner 8-year-old hopes it to be. The last good movie Michael Bay directed was 'The Rock'. I find myself enthusiastically looking at the Pirate's three-quel with a faded hope. I didn't even really LIKE the Pirates of The Caribbean movies, but I thought they were OK. Now I look to them as the saving grace in summer blockbusters.
I personally was lost about 35 minutes before the end, and wanted it desperately to be over. I stormed out the back pissed and yelling. People were getting mad at me as I swore at the movie. I didn't care. Some girl was like "well, I liked it," and all I could snap back was "You would." I was just so mad I gave up good money, time, and sleep to watch what I could have ripped from Netflix
I almost think Sam Raimi MEANT to make this drivel. My guess is he wanted out of the Spiderman contract so he could have his schedule open for The Hobbit if New Line can't figure out what they're doing with Peter Jackson. My gut makes me hope that that was the case, and not the latter, that Sam Raimi ACTUALLY BELIEVED this was a good movie.
The good parts of this movie were, suprisingly, James Franco (Harry/The Hobgoblin), and Topher Grace (Eddie Brock/Venom). I've frowned on James Franco as a pretty-boy wanna-be actor, especially considering his previous jobs between Spiderman movies. Here, finally, he really comes into his own. His character really makes the movie, really brings to life the torn psyche of Harry's good and bad side, and how he chooses to balance it. Not to mention the RIDICULOUSLY cool action sequence between him and Parker in the movie's first act.
Topher Grace knocks this character out of the park. The smarmy, ambitious Eddie Brock was nailed on the head with Topher. His alter ego in the form of Venom needed MUCH more scren time. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping that someone with some pull at Sony Pictures recognizes that Eric from That 70's Show could have his own film franchise using Venom's character. I have no misconception that they will miss this little jewel they found in their hand and throw it away with the detritus left over when the Spiderman 3 series enthusiasm cools, and people start debating which three-quel was worse, X-Men, Spiderman, or Godfather?
I don't think Transformers will be blockbuster hit my inner 8-year-old hopes it to be. The last good movie Michael Bay directed was 'The Rock'. I find myself enthusiastically looking at the Pirate's three-quel with a faded hope. I didn't even really LIKE the Pirates of The Caribbean movies, but I thought they were OK. Now I look to them as the saving grace in summer blockbusters.
Friday, April 20, 2007
Comedic Genious
I’ve been exposed to Richard Pryor for the first time again in my adult life. I remember as a kid hearing him, and not really getting the jokes. NOW it’s on.
Between him, Eddie Murphy, Dane Cook, Greg Giraldo, and all my other favorites, I can’t help but realize alot of the people in comedy today are by-products of Pryor. There’s not one comedian I can think of that doesn’t seem to take SOMETHING from this man. It’s a shame I discovered him only after he died.
My next comic to submerge myself in is Eddie Izzard. Google him. He’s the smartest comic alive, and doing a new television show called ‘The Riches’.
Between him, Eddie Murphy, Dane Cook, Greg Giraldo, and all my other favorites, I can’t help but realize alot of the people in comedy today are by-products of Pryor. There’s not one comedian I can think of that doesn’t seem to take SOMETHING from this man. It’s a shame I discovered him only after he died.
My next comic to submerge myself in is Eddie Izzard. Google him. He’s the smartest comic alive, and doing a new television show called ‘The Riches’.
Experimental posting and the detriment of online honesty
The new software I have found will change the face of my blog, and as we all want positive results from change, i can only hope for the best when trying something new.
Indention. Who would have thought? Less web, more CSS and format manipulation. A chance to maybe to start crafting power from words.
It seems there is a predominance to blather; a random, incoherent exposition on the random topic. People get PAID to write random blather. These people have figured out the means to bring home the bacon by getting people to read the things they write while they try to avoid actually doing work. I can’t imagine Joe Sixpack sitting down any other time and actively seeking to read about the inner workings of their favorite blog. Rather, they tend to have the opportunity in-between water cooler breaks and ducking the boss while they feed the need to let the brain wander. These are the predominant readers of random, corporate-fed bloggage.
I’m writing for the sake of putting words to digital print, and as I write, I can’t but think there would have to be the same means to an end in the corporate blogging world as well. To be honest with you, I couldn’t fathom the thought of “blogging” as a fiscal investment, but it seems there are corporations out there willing to bet the farm (or at least the small shed on the other end of the field) on people who’s primary job is to talk about the things they know. Directionalized, to the point blogging about relevant, pertinent, and timely items of interest and events is one thing. A father, nearing future husband, and fringe worker in the tech industry is a complete other.
Another item of interest here is the honesty which can be afforded in any sort of publicized blog. I can’t talk about anyone I know in any sort of negative light, for fear of recoil. I can’t post the innermost thoughts and oddities without having significant others, family, friends, or coworkers wondering what’s up with that guy. I have to laugh at the people who wear their hearts on a string when they write online, but at the same time, I envy them. These people have found an audience, a place to vent, and a source of give-and-take you only uniquely experience online in a forum such as these. Honesty could give that sort of release you’re not going to find in just talking it out, yet, the darkest, most wicked, oddest observations I may have could be misconstrued. The items I really want to write here are not the political ramblings I place for the sake appealing to a broad audience. What I want to place here is the online version of me. Politically, and, unfortunately, responsibly, I cannot.
Just some observations. My fingers are cramping and laundry needs rotated.
G.
Indention. Who would have thought? Less web, more CSS and format manipulation. A chance to maybe to start crafting power from words.
It seems there is a predominance to blather; a random, incoherent exposition on the random topic. People get PAID to write random blather. These people have figured out the means to bring home the bacon by getting people to read the things they write while they try to avoid actually doing work. I can’t imagine Joe Sixpack sitting down any other time and actively seeking to read about the inner workings of their favorite blog. Rather, they tend to have the opportunity in-between water cooler breaks and ducking the boss while they feed the need to let the brain wander. These are the predominant readers of random, corporate-fed bloggage.
I’m writing for the sake of putting words to digital print, and as I write, I can’t but think there would have to be the same means to an end in the corporate blogging world as well. To be honest with you, I couldn’t fathom the thought of “blogging” as a fiscal investment, but it seems there are corporations out there willing to bet the farm (or at least the small shed on the other end of the field) on people who’s primary job is to talk about the things they know. Directionalized, to the point blogging about relevant, pertinent, and timely items of interest and events is one thing. A father, nearing future husband, and fringe worker in the tech industry is a complete other.
Another item of interest here is the honesty which can be afforded in any sort of publicized blog. I can’t talk about anyone I know in any sort of negative light, for fear of recoil. I can’t post the innermost thoughts and oddities without having significant others, family, friends, or coworkers wondering what’s up with that guy. I have to laugh at the people who wear their hearts on a string when they write online, but at the same time, I envy them. These people have found an audience, a place to vent, and a source of give-and-take you only uniquely experience online in a forum such as these. Honesty could give that sort of release you’re not going to find in just talking it out, yet, the darkest, most wicked, oddest observations I may have could be misconstrued. The items I really want to write here are not the political ramblings I place for the sake appealing to a broad audience. What I want to place here is the online version of me. Politically, and, unfortunately, responsibly, I cannot.
Just some observations. My fingers are cramping and laundry needs rotated.
G.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Testing 1234
This is a test of MacJournal. I’ve been meaning to write more on my site, and with the recent renewal, I’ve been meaning to get back to what I like to think I do best, and that’s write in obscurity while thinking I’m the best in the business.
Would I love to finish a novel. -> Check.
Quick edit: YES, this looks like it will work great!
Would I love to finish a novel. -> Check.
Quick edit: YES, this looks like it will work great!
Dear Commercial Media
Dear Commercial Media,
How DARE you? How do you find it in you to sleep after the pathetic abuse and ratings exploitation of a very, very unfortunate incident in collegiate history. You’re in a ratings dash on the back of this tragedy, and the backs of all the true people involved,. You’re shameless, with your hushed tones, and your weeping victims, juicing every sense of emotion and galvanizing the event into a nice, packaged container, replete with it’s own ‘Massacre’ theme music and eye candy graphics. You’ve nicely injected yourself into the situation without invitation, not for the sake of informing any one person about any real, RELEVANT news, but for the sake of entertainment, because it is new, and interesting, and people will watch. You make me sick.
Where’s coverage of the two men arrested yesterday for being IRAQI SPIES IN THE US? Where is the public outrage over the infiltration of men obviously linked to Saddam Hussein’s regime in the late 90’s? Where was the “full Team coverage” of this? How many of you stopped for ten minutes to think about the death tolls of citizens in Iraq, Darfur, Isreal, before your selfish lust for “the scoop” and your deplorable desire for ratings drove you to commercialize and sensationalize an event that didn’t need any help at all being sensational. Taking nothing away from the tragedy the people of Virginia Tech and their families have, and will have to endure in the coming days, weeks, months, and years, I challenge anyone to stop and look at a weeks death toll from your favorite hotspot in the Middle East and recognize these places lose this many people daily. Where are the boxed, compartmentalized panels discussing and profiling the backgrounds of the suicide bombers who kill hundreds of innocents? Where are the salutes to the Darfur woman who was trying to be a better mother to her children by trying to get an education, and was murdered in a genocidal cleansing? I’m not reading about how the nutjob who killed all those people in that marketplace that one time had written things about killing a bunch of the people he hated.
You’re sending the wrong message to the narcissistic whackjobs out there. If you kill, we will come with our cameras and sensationalist personalities. If you blow it up, we’ll cover it, 24 hours, for the next few days. Just make sure it has emotional overtones. That sells. Be of foreign descent. That makes it easier for us to hate you. You make a crazy, deluded video about what you’ve done or are going to do, we promise to play it on the air. We WANT to show it. Thirty times in two hours. The other stations will jump in, too, so believe us, we’ll get you a wide demographic. We’re sure of it. Hopefully we can scoop some weird stuff about your life from the people who know you. Just make it good. The more crazy and brutal, the better it will sell. This isn’t helping the kid considering doing this. This is only telling him that he’ll finally have the audience he always wanted and never got.
Advertisers couldn’t WISH for a more diverse demographic all tuned in at the same time. Massacre! Sponsored by ! It would almost make strategic ad sense to HIRE someone to do this, and advertise that same week. If I were the head of a corporation, I would be making frenzied phone calls right now telling my Ad department to get recurring ads running on all the major news stations. Nothing like associating top of mind about their product with a major US event.
The Olympics, major American sporting events, and tragic massacres. All covered with eager enthusiasm, all terribly entertaining, and all fun to keep score at and interview the players/victims in and out of the game. Veterans from previous eras step up and talk about how their game/massacre was different, and how the modernization of the sport/weapons have made scores so much higher and raised the bar. Superstars/murderers are icons to be worshipped/talked about incessantly on and off the field/”Ground Zero”. It is now fun and lucrative for people to be good at sports/crazy.
I had to shake my head in astonished disappointment when I flipped through the channels this evening. Every 24-hour news station was beating the horse to death. I then watched in antithesis as our comedic relief in the world of news, Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert, failed to mention but once between the two (and this even in passing) the events that had occurred.
And a post script to the kings in their castles concerning the recent regurgitation that video games are to blame for these violent events. Social dysfunction, religious zealotry, and mental illness cause violent crimes. You can’t stop a man from killing a bunch of people if he’s determined to do so. You can only hope to remedy the problem before the fracture with reality occurs.
Commercial media should stop and review their procedures. Sensationalism and celebration should be attached to events worthy of an entire network’s coverage. Somber recognition of the people involved should be a universal cause, a commitment to fair and balanced on a grander scale. Murderers should be trivialized, briefly mentioned, and sanctioned from further recognition. Anything more is empowering the next deluded whackjob. Do your job. Give us the news. Not ratings-driving entertainment.
How DARE you? How do you find it in you to sleep after the pathetic abuse and ratings exploitation of a very, very unfortunate incident in collegiate history. You’re in a ratings dash on the back of this tragedy, and the backs of all the true people involved,. You’re shameless, with your hushed tones, and your weeping victims, juicing every sense of emotion and galvanizing the event into a nice, packaged container, replete with it’s own ‘Massacre’ theme music and eye candy graphics. You’ve nicely injected yourself into the situation without invitation, not for the sake of informing any one person about any real, RELEVANT news, but for the sake of entertainment, because it is new, and interesting, and people will watch. You make me sick.
Where’s coverage of the two men arrested yesterday for being IRAQI SPIES IN THE US? Where is the public outrage over the infiltration of men obviously linked to Saddam Hussein’s regime in the late 90’s? Where was the “full Team coverage” of this? How many of you stopped for ten minutes to think about the death tolls of citizens in Iraq, Darfur, Isreal, before your selfish lust for “the scoop” and your deplorable desire for ratings drove you to commercialize and sensationalize an event that didn’t need any help at all being sensational. Taking nothing away from the tragedy the people of Virginia Tech and their families have, and will have to endure in the coming days, weeks, months, and years, I challenge anyone to stop and look at a weeks death toll from your favorite hotspot in the Middle East and recognize these places lose this many people daily. Where are the boxed, compartmentalized panels discussing and profiling the backgrounds of the suicide bombers who kill hundreds of innocents? Where are the salutes to the Darfur woman who was trying to be a better mother to her children by trying to get an education, and was murdered in a genocidal cleansing? I’m not reading about how the nutjob who killed all those people in that marketplace that one time had written things about killing a bunch of the people he hated.
You’re sending the wrong message to the narcissistic whackjobs out there. If you kill, we will come with our cameras and sensationalist personalities. If you blow it up, we’ll cover it, 24 hours, for the next few days. Just make sure it has emotional overtones. That sells. Be of foreign descent. That makes it easier for us to hate you. You make a crazy, deluded video about what you’ve done or are going to do, we promise to play it on the air. We WANT to show it. Thirty times in two hours. The other stations will jump in, too, so believe us, we’ll get you a wide demographic. We’re sure of it. Hopefully we can scoop some weird stuff about your life from the people who know you. Just make it good. The more crazy and brutal, the better it will sell. This isn’t helping the kid considering doing this. This is only telling him that he’ll finally have the audience he always wanted and never got.
Advertisers couldn’t WISH for a more diverse demographic all tuned in at the same time. Massacre! Sponsored by ! It would almost make strategic ad sense to HIRE someone to do this, and advertise that same week. If I were the head of a corporation, I would be making frenzied phone calls right now telling my Ad department to get recurring ads running on all the major news stations. Nothing like associating top of mind about their product with a major US event.
The Olympics, major American sporting events, and tragic massacres. All covered with eager enthusiasm, all terribly entertaining, and all fun to keep score at and interview the players/victims in and out of the game. Veterans from previous eras step up and talk about how their game/massacre was different, and how the modernization of the sport/weapons have made scores so much higher and raised the bar. Superstars/murderers are icons to be worshipped/talked about incessantly on and off the field/”Ground Zero”. It is now fun and lucrative for people to be good at sports/crazy.
I had to shake my head in astonished disappointment when I flipped through the channels this evening. Every 24-hour news station was beating the horse to death. I then watched in antithesis as our comedic relief in the world of news, Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert, failed to mention but once between the two (and this even in passing) the events that had occurred.
And a post script to the kings in their castles concerning the recent regurgitation that video games are to blame for these violent events. Social dysfunction, religious zealotry, and mental illness cause violent crimes. You can’t stop a man from killing a bunch of people if he’s determined to do so. You can only hope to remedy the problem before the fracture with reality occurs.
Commercial media should stop and review their procedures. Sensationalism and celebration should be attached to events worthy of an entire network’s coverage. Somber recognition of the people involved should be a universal cause, a commitment to fair and balanced on a grander scale. Murderers should be trivialized, briefly mentioned, and sanctioned from further recognition. Anything more is empowering the next deluded whackjob. Do your job. Give us the news. Not ratings-driving entertainment.
Monday, January 15, 2007
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
